oh...now I get it

I always thought it was almost annoying how little baby's want their mom's so badly when they're crying, and no one else will suffice. They scream their heads off for no reason until they get passed back to their mom...and then silence. I would think, Why isn't someone else able to calm them down? Does it ALWAYS have to be her? What is it that she can do that someone else can't? Doesn't she get annoyed of being the only one who can soothe her? Well, as with so many other things, I understand now. And more importantly, I LOVE that I'm number one. It's fantastic. I love how she buries her face in my chest and rests the top of her warm, soft head on my chin as she sinks in my arms. I can feel her light little fingers fall on my arm and across my neck. Having nine nieces and nephews and being around friends who have children, this is a new feeling that I've never had before, being able to be the one that the baby wants. I don't know, maybe in a few months I'll grow tired of always having to carry and rock and shhhh, but right now it's the best thing in the world to know that I am what she wants. I'm blogging this because I hope I remember how special it is when she's all grown up.

Rollin!

Last night after a warm bath we had some family time on our bed. Just for kicks, we set Amelia on her tummy to see if she could lift her head 45 degrees (as 2-month olds are supposed to do). Naturally, no problem. Then, we left her on her tummy to see if for some weird reason, she might roll over. We were talking to her, and she was getting frustrated that she couldn't see us. First we saw her hip trying to lift up (as you see in the photo), then we saw her tiny little twig-arm trying to straighten out and lift her torso. After lots of grunting from her and cheers from us, she made it on her side, and then on her back. Yay!! Grant picked her up and her little back was pulsing up and down she was breathing so hard after all the tough work. I was saying "let's do it again!!" But Grant reminded me that was ridiculous given she was wiped out. Good job, Amelia!

Amelia's first friend

Amelia is in love with this star colorful star you see her smiling at in the photo. This is her first real connection with an object. She almost immediately starts smiling when I set it in front of her, and has a big conversation with it (cooing and squealing) as it lights up and sings to her. It is really cute, and I know it secretly makes everyone who sees this happy interaction a little jealous of the star.

Also, I have to admit, I'm a sucker for dressing up Amelia. I didn't think I would get into it, because I was a little turned off/overwhelmed by the masses of hand me downs I have stored in my garage. But the dresses, bloomers, ridiculous pockets and ruffles are pretty irresistable once I get them on her. Now, I'll take any excuse to dress her up, and what's even more ridiculous is that I try to coordinate my outfit with hers. ..I know it's dorky, but I love it!

Whoa. That was intense.

Amelia and I shared an unforgettable experience yesterday -- she was constipated. She had gone only one day without po0ping, but during the event I could not believe how much I felt like a midwife helping her through the painful delivery. For the first time in motherhood, I had to stand by and watch my daughter do something incredibly difficult and painful, but it just had to be done. There were a few small things I could do to frantically assist, but for the most part it was up to her.

During the screaming and pushing, I caught myself looking back and forth around the room, as if someone should be there to help or take over. Nope, just me. I called my pediatrician, who of course didn't answer, but I made sure to leave a voicemail that included Amelia's screaming and grunting, so he would understand the depth of the situation. The next person who answered the phone is my older sis, Jess, who calmly talked me through what to do, amidst my insanity.

After the last push she was wiped out and we went back to the living room to nurse. She fell into a fast, hard sleep on my chest and I finally got my heart rate back down. A few calls to mom and some experienced sisters later, and I felt like I had a handle on the situation. Whoa. That was intense.

Happy Camper

Amelia has definitely been making up for lost "ounces" with the amount of boob milk & formula that she's putting down. But she's doing so much better and putting on some weight for sure! I think her head has even gotten bigger. Of course eating so much comes with the cost of saturating entire diapers with a gallon of pee and having poop "blow outs" that you can hear 2 rooms away, and that go up to the back of her neck (poor girl.)

Also, I started up running again a few weeks ago. Pushing a stroller and running is no simple task, and I give major props to anyone who has done/does it. Feels good to get back on the saddle, though. I like getting Amelia out to get so much fresh air, too. She seems to enjoy it.

I'm not gonna lose any sleep over it...

Thanks to our new "pack on the pounds" diet plan, Amelia is a full, satisfied, rested, happy baby now. She sleeps longer and harder, and fusses much less, because she's not starved anymore. Do I feel like the worst mom in the world for letting my sweet angel go hungry for a month?? I could if I let myself. But, she is eating twice a night rather than 4 - 5 times a night and falls asleep by herself, without our countless tricks to lull her to sleep. I don't wanna brag, but I got 8 1/2 hours of sleep last night. So, I'm choosing to put the last "hungry month" behind me and not worry about why my breastmilk is somewhat inadequate. My wonderful mom has warned me that this "crappiest mom in the world" guilty feeling is one I will have a lot from now on, any time I screw up. So I'm going to try not to give into that mopy attitude and just try and turn it around when I can.

Oh, and Cash loves Amelia. He's always trying to give her a big wet kiss, but has learned this is not acceptable when she's sleeping. He's also learned not to veer in front of the stroller during our runs, or he'll lose a paw. He usually chills next to her bouncer, it's pretty cute. Babies can only see black, white and red during the first few months. So, it's kind of interesting that she can see Cash better than any of us.

I'll take skim breastmilk, please

It is amazing how different every day is with a newborn. There are great nights and great days, and horrible nights and very rough days. Today, however, I got some news from my pediatrician/midwife that changed everything. "Hello, my name is Heather Lane and I have low-calorie breastmilk".

Poor Amelia has only gained about 5 oz in the last month. She should have gained at least a pound by now. I've been breastfeeding like crazy and my boobs are ALWAYS leaking milk, so I assumed we were good in the eating/weight gain department. However, lots of feedings and slow weight gain are the result of my low-calorie breastmilk. So, we get to SUPPLEMENT! I'm so excited, I will still breastfeed for 10 minutes, then give her formula. She will still get the miraculous benefits of breastmilk (immunity, better brain development, etc.), but will be able to pack on the pounds with formula. In addition, she will sleep better, go longer in between feedings and be much less fussy. Bottom line....less horrible nights and very rough days because poor Amelia won't be the victim of mom's wussy breastmilk any longer.