Since my little sweetums is learning more about the world, picking up patterns and consistencies, learning routines, cause and effect, etc., she is really perfecting her "fake cry". She's been fine-tuning it for about a week or so now, and it's almost Oscar-worthy at this point. She's learned how to push her voice and pitch, and switch from the front of her mouth to a shrill back-of-the-throat cry, and really scrunch up her face to emphasize her opposition. We all know, practice makes perfect.
But now that we have some "behavior" issues coming to fruition, I seem to be having a hard time deciding what kind of parent I'm going to be. Do I nip it in the bud? Play tough mom and make her scream so she learns how to figure it out herself at the tender age of 9 months? Sounds like a lot of work, but good results. Or, do I try to prevent her from ever crying, creating a sense of great security that makes her feel confident all the time, not needing to cry because she knows I'll come at a moment's notice. Well, I have no idea. But I know whatever I do, it needs to be consistent. So, I've come to a crossroad that will have a huge impact on both of us for the next few years.
It's kind of funny, though, because I find myself walking to her screaming on the floor, wanting me to pick her up or what-not, and I'm just kind of staring at her, not really knowing what to do. Sometimes it makes her stop crying because she's confused and in suspense of what I'm doing. But I just don't know. So I just stare at her, her face frozen amidst a fit. I'm sure I'll figure something out, choose a new "parenting philosophy" that's somewhere in the middle of compassionate and stern. But for now, there's just a lot of me frozen in indecision, and real confusion on Amelia's part. I wonder, do all mom's do this? Or am I overthinking my responses of her behavior to the point of "no-response"? Maybe it's the curse of just having one kid, whereas with more children you don't have time to evaluate the pro/con of each response. I guess we'll just have to see wait and see what kind of mom I'm going to be.
Wow! The anguish and uncertainties that befall a new mother, and what to do? Sounds like you hit on one solution to the "fit" by just atanding there, looking at her, and saying and doing nothing! Since she is not hurt or in serious danger, for her to work on the screaming fit with no reaction from you, no facial expression, no comment, no pick-up cuddle, she soon discovers its a wasted effort on her part, too much work to keep up the action, and will soon look to something else. Its actually a very safe way for her to learn that, contrary to her perception, the world doesn't turn according to her demands. And then, word of wisdom I remember from Lee when asked how he had so much success training his puppies. "Just have to start from the very first, letting them know what is acceptable (rewarded with love)and what isn't, rewarded with appropriate action."
ReplyDeleteI rather imagine a good set of ear plugs might be useful at times. (for the Mom!)